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CBM The Principles of Christian Marriage (Africa)


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9 – Divorce

 

SADLY, marital problems are very frequent today and may happen to men and women who are committed disciples of the Lord Jesus. We need to know what to do when they occur and what the Bible teaches us about the breakdown of a marriage. The first thing is to pray about it, and to keep on praying. Ideally we should do this together with our husband or wife and we should pray as soon as we are aware of any problem. It is also advisable to seek help from within the ecclesia. This may be difficult but we should seek out a wise brother or sister with whom we can share the burden of our problem and who can help us see the right thing to do. If there is no one locally who can help, then it may be possible to write to a brother or sister in another country for advice.

 

“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11)

 

This passage (a command from the Lord) clearly teaches that, for brothers and sisters in Christ, divorce is contrary to his commandments and that remarriage to another partner should be out of the question.

 

We have seen in Matthew 19:5, 6 that God intended marriage to be the union of one man and one woman for life, and from Malachi 2:15,16 that God hates divorce; so as a general rule the Bible forbids brothers and sisters in Christ to divorce their partners and remarry someone else. Is there any exception to this general rule?

 

Some sincere Christadelphians feel that in Matthew’s Gospel the Lord Jesus Christ makes an exception and permits divorce for marital unfaithfulness, although others, just as sincere, feel that because of the original word used, Jesus is only referring to the betrothal period before the marriage was consummated (e.g. Mary was found to be with child during the betrothal period with Joseph - Matthew 1:18, 19). On two occasions Jesus said:

 

“Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

 

Similar thoughts are expressed in slightly different words in Matthew 5:32. Just how these words are interpreted becomes a matter of individual conscience and we must prayerfully decide for ourselves what they mean for us and how we interpret them.

 

If we believe that Jesus docs not forbid divorce for unfaithfulness in a consummated marriage, then we must go about it in as Christlike a way as possible. In other words, we must not divorce our partner as soon as the adultery is committed. That would he quite contrary to his caching. It is our duty to be patient, gentle and forgiving. We must even love our enemies.

 

So if, for example, a brother’s wife commits adultery, he must do all in his power to win her back to him. And he must do this in a spirit of humility and kindness, not behaving like a judge.

 

First, he should ask himself, “Is it partly my own fault that my wife has sinned? Have I done something that has provoked her into doing this?” Usually, if a man is really honest with himself, he will realise that he has not been a perfect husband. He will think of ways in which he might have treated his wife better, and he will want to be a better husband in future.

 

In this humble spirit he should try to persuade his wife to repent and to return to him. If she does, he should take her back and forgive her. Afterwards he should never talk about the sin she once committed. True forgiveness menus forgetting the past.

 

Even if she refuses to repent, he must not give up. He must keep trying to regain his wife for a long time (see the example of Hosea in Hosea 1-3).

 

Only when it is quite certain that she will not repent should he give up trying. For example, if she joins herself firmly to another man and has children by him, then her former husband must face the sad fact that his marriage has completely broken down.

 

What should he do then? Without any doubt, the Bible principles we have looked at tell us that he should remain unmarried for the rest of his life. By so doing he would show that he respects these principles of Christian marriage: one man, joined to one woman, for a whole lifetime.

 

Unfortunately, many men are not strong enough to stand the strain of living without a wife for the rest of their lives. This seems to be why Jesus makes his exception. He understands our human weakness, and he does not put upon us a burden so heavy that we cannot bear it.

 

So a brother whose adulterous wife has left him long ago and will not come back is given leave to take another wife. He is not advised to do so, because it would be better if he did not, but the Lord recognises his weakness and his need to marry again if he cannot manage without a wife. Similarly, a woman whose adulterous husband has left her permanently may also be given leave to marry again, although the ideal is to remain unmarried.

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Important Note about AIDS

 

The course of action described above is based on scriptural principles. However the twenty-first century has brought with it a deadly twist to the dilemma of a brother or sister facing the problems of an unfaithful spouse. This is the widespread occurrence of people who are HIV positive or who have fully developed AIDS. There will be the strong possibility that your unfaithful partner has now been infected with this virus.

 

It your partner repents and wants to come back, you may feel you wish them to have an AIDS test. The best way to achieve this is for you to go with your partner and for you both to have the test. If the results are negative for you but positive for your partner, then you both have some big decisions to make, prayerfully taking into account the following points:

 

  1. If you take your partner back you will almost certainly become infected, leading to an untimely death.
     
  2. Any future children will probably be infected, therefore no more children should be conceived.
     
  3. Practising so-called “safe sex” (using a condom) is not entirely safe.
     
  4. Bearing the above in mind there is one possible solution that could be better than remaining entirely alone. The couple could remain together as companions for each other in all the daily family life; they could support and care for each other into old age but not have any sexual relations. This would be very difficult to do, but with our Heavenly Father’s help and guidance it could be the answer to a desperate situation.
     
  5. If couples divorce then the ideal state is to remain unmarried for the rest of their lives - there should be no remarriage to another partner.
     
  6. Remember that following true repentance all sins can be forgiven. However, the consequences of our sins may remain with us for the rest of our lives and we must cope with these in as godly a way as possible.

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10 - Bride Price

 

The custom of paying bride price is very ancient. It was practised by the children of Israel (see Genesis 24:53; 29:20; 34:12; Exodus 22.16, 17; Deuteronomy 22:28, 29; 1 Samuel 18:22-27). But it seems to have ceased in Bible lands by the time of Jesus Christ.

 

There is no evidence that it was practised in the early church, and it is not mentioned in the New Testament. However, it is still widely practised in Africa, but experience shows that it is a custom which human nature easily abuses.

 

Bride price often causes unhappiness and sin. Here are a few of the problems that can arise out of this custom:

 

  1. Bride price is looked upon as the purchase price for a bride.
     
    As a result the wife is treated as a slave who has been bought and is owned by her husband and considered inferior to him. This is wrong and against the scriptural principle of a wife being a partner who should be loved and respected by her husband (see chapter 1).
     
  2. It causes a girl to be valued in monetary terms.
     
    For example, a girl with a good education or possessing a professional qualification may have a very high bride price. But these qualities in Christian terms are meaningless. The inward beauty of a Christlike character is what matters most (see “Inward Beauty”, page 17).
     
  3. Parents think of the marriage of their daughters only as a means of getting money.
     
    It is a commonly held opinion in some countries that a man with many daughters will gain a lot of money from bride price payments. This is not the right attitude for Christians. Our daughters are not for buying and selling. The Bible shows that children are a blessing from God (Psalm 127:5). If daughters are brought up to obey the Lord and become sisters in Christ, then their husbands should be faithful brothers in Christ and they should marry because they are genuinely in love with each other.
     
  4. It is looked upon as payment for work done in bringing up a daughter.
     
    If children are a blessing from God then we must be ready to do the work of looking after them without thinking of payment. We are stewards of God’s children and He gives children to parents, expecting they will bring the children up to love Him. Thinking about getting a bride price as pay for work well done does not agree with the Bible teaching on selfless love. One wonders why parents want to get paid for bringing up their daughters and not for bringing up their sons’
     
  5. It is looked upon as compensation for the loss of a family worker.
     
    We must remember that we do not own our children - they are given to us on trust from God to bring up to love Him.
     
  6. A high bride price can cause immoral behaviour.
     
    If a young man is not able to find the money for the bride price, he may think about sleeping with the girl so that she becomes pregnant and this will force them to get married. This sort of behaviour is absolutely against Bible teaching and not the way to start a true marriage (see chapter 3 - “Courtship”).
     
  7. A poor family with a beautiful daughter can be tempted to marry her to the highest bidder.
     
    This would not be right because if she has been brought up in a Christian way she will want to marry a man who is godly and a fellow believer. By selling her to the highest bidder, it is unlikely that the right kind of husband will be found for her.

Instead, she should be encouraged to obtain a husband who will be a real help to her in her walk towards God’s kingdom. You should also remember the commandment:

 

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)

 

You will certainly break this commandment if you force your daughter to marry an unsuitable rich man (see also Appendix 4).

 

From the above examples it will be realised that the sooner the custom of bride price is given up within the Christadelphian community the better. We should concentrate on making sure our daughters marry suitable partners in the Lord rather than on how much we can get for them.

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11 - A Final Word

 

Many problems will arise that are not mentioned in this booklet. Brothers and sisters with difficult marriage problems would be wise to seek advice and help from the elders of their ecclesia.

 

If they live far away from an ecclesia in isolation they can always write to some experienced brother or sister about their problems. Or they can wait until a Christadelphian elder comes to visit them, and then ask for his help.

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Appendix 1 - Some Husbands Problems

 

1. I am told that a Christadelphian ought to marry someone of the same faith. There is no Christadelphian girl available for me to marry what should I do? (This answer can also be applied in principle to a Christadelphian sister seeking a husband.)

 

Yes, you are right. A Christadelphian man ought to marry a Christadelphian woman.

 

The Bible teaches that a believer ought not to many an unbeliever. From reading 2 Corinthians 6:14, 15 you will see that if you do, you will be joining yourself to her and thus separating yourself from the body of Christ.

 

If you cannot find a Christadelphian girl to marry, then there are a number of steps you can take:

 

  • As with all the problems of life you should pray about it and believe in faith that God will guide you.
     
  • Some men and women, who cannot find a wife or husband who share their beliefs, are able to remain unmarried for all of their lives. They do this in response to the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 19:12. Jesus recognised that this is a very difficult thing to ask and his words tell us the divine ideal in this situation rather than a commandment to all disciples.
     
  • If you need a wife then you must do what is possible to find a God-fearing woman to marry. In some countries it is possible for a young man to meet a young woman in an innocent way, and talk to her. If your country is like this, perhaps you could, teach a young woman the Gospel and then, after she is baptized, you could marry her. There are dangers with this, particularly if the woman is a member of another church. There is a risk that she may draw you away from the true Gospel and your beliefs into her own church. These things need to be very carefully prayed about and talked through together before any commitment to marriage. If you still cannot find a suitable girl then you must wait patiently until the Lord, who knows all our needs, causes circumstances to change so that you are brought into contact with a suitable Christadelphian sister. This may seem hard but look at the warnings given in Section 2, “Preparing for Marriage” and Section 3, “Courtship”.

2. My elder brother has just died, and according to the custom of my tribe it is my duty to marry the widow. Should I do so?

 

It all depends. If you are not married already it she is a sister in Christ, and if she is a suitable person for you to marry, there is no reason why you should not marry her (the answer to the previous question will help you to see what is meant by ‘suitable’).

 

It you are already married, or if she is not a suitable person to become the wife of a Christadelphian, you should disregard the custom of your tribe, and refuse to marry her.

 

3. My wife is barren. My friends tell me that this is because God has cursed her. Is this true?

 

No. Barrenness could almost be called a form of illness, like being blind or lame. As with other forms of illness, it comes upon both good people and bad people. The Old Testament tells us about Job. He was afflicted with a terrible illness. His friends said that this was God’s way of punishing him for being sinful, but they were wrong. Job was a very good man, and although he had to suffer, God was not cursing him. So it is wrong to think that God is not blessing a childless marriage. There are many good Christian couples that are unable to have children, but God blesses them in other ways.

 

A true Bible believer will never despise a childless wife. Her husband ought to love her just as much as if she had borne him children (see 1 Samuel 1:8). Her parents and her friends should be sympathetic and kind to her, and not treat her as if she had done wrong. She is not to blame for her childlessness, any more than a sick man is to blame for his sickness.

 

Because barrenness is a kind of illness it can sometimes be cured. It is important for you and your wife to visit a hospital. The doctors there may be able to find the cause of the barrenness (which may lie in either your wife’s body or your own) and treat it (see “Barrenness”, page 21).

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4. I have been married several years and my wife is barren. It is n terrible thing to be childless. Can I take another wife who will give me a son?

 

No, Bible teaching forbids you to do this. You must be content with the wife you have. It is much worse to be a eunuch than to have a barren wife, and yet God

has said:

 

“Let not any eunuch complain, I am only a dry tree’. For this is what the LORD says: To the eunuchs who ... hold fast to my covenant – to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and. daughters: I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off.” (Isaiah 56:3-5)

 

In other words, the place in God’s kingdom that He offers you is worth more than all the children in the world. But if you still want children in this life you should adopt a child that has lost its parents, and bring up that child as if he or she were your own. Also remember that barrenness is sometimes the problem of the husband, not of the wife (see 3 above).

 

5. I am the only son of my father, and he insists I should put away my barren wife and take another, because he wants to see his line carried on through me. Should I obey my father?

 

No, not in this case. The Bible commands, “Honour your rather and your mother”, and this means that generally we should obey our fathers. But when a father commands us to do something forbidden by the Bible, then we must disobey that father, and instead obey our Heavenly Father. Jesus said:

 

“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37)

 

6. My wife has just given birth and according to the custom of my child I must not have sex with her again until the child is two years old. Should I obey this custom?

 

No. It is a bad custom, based upon a pagan superstition. It puts men under a great strain, and causes many men to fall into sin. Because of temptations that arise when married couples abstain from sex for a long time, the Bible forbids them to do so:

 

“Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self- control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5)

 

For medical reasons couple should not have sex from a number of weeks before the expected birth of a child until a number of weeks after the birth. Otherwise the wife can catch an infection that may endanger her life, but when the child is six weeks old it is quite safe and right for the couple to resume a normal sex life. The belief that this will affect the milk is quite wrong.

 

It would probably benefit both the health of the mother and the child it another baby is not born within two years of the first. This should be a matter or birth control though not a matter of abstaining from sex altogether.

 

7. My wife has died. Is it right for me to marry a second wife?

 

Yes. Polygamy is wrong, but it is not polygamy for a man to marry a man when his first wife is dead. God says that you may marry again if you wish. A woman also is free to marry again if her husband dies. But remember that the Bible commands you to choose a sister in Christ for your new wife (1 Corinthians 7:39).

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Appendix 2 - Some Wives’ Problems

 

1. My mother taught me that only bad women get pleasure out of sex but I enjoy having sex with my husband. Is there something wrong with me?

 

No, there is nothing wrong with you. Your mother taught you wrongly. Just as God gave us a sense of taste to enjoy eating so He made the bodies of both men and women that they obtain pleasure from sex. To enjoy this pleasure outside of marriage is a great sin, but to enjoy it inside marriage is right and proper.

 

God has made it plain that He wants Christian wives to enjoy sex as well as their husbands. Indeed. He commands Christian husbands to help their wives to obtain full enjoyment from the sex act:

 

“The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:3, 4)

 

2. My husband beats me, and our children. Should I run away?

 

Not unless he makes life very hard indeed for you. If you did leave him, you would not be free to marry another man. You should pray that God will help you and your husband to live more peaceably together, and you should do your best to be forgiving and obedient towards your husband.

 

Do not take your husband to the local court. The Bible says it is wrong for believers to go to law (1 Corinthians 6:1-7). If you want someone to judge between you and your husband, you should go to the elders of your ecclesia. They may be able to help restore peace to your marriage (see “Good Wives and Bad Husbands”, page 16).

 

3. My husband says he intends to take a second wife. What should I do?

 

Try to persuade him, humbly and gently, that it would be wrong in the sight of God for him to take another wife. Seek the advice and help of the eiders of your ecclesia. If your husband rejects your advice and fakes a second wife, do not leave him (see also the answer to Question 4).

 

4. I am the junior wife of an unbelieving polygamist. My husband is willing for me to be baptized, but will not divorce me. What should I do?

 

Stay with your husband and apply for baptism. Your relationship with your husband is not an ideal one, but it is not your fault if your husband does not want to release you. The ecclesia would not refuse you baptism on account of this situation, over which you have no control. Although your husband is having sex with more than one woman, you yourself are only having sex with one man - your husband - and so you are doing no wrong.

 

5. My husband died soon after we were married and left no children. According to local custom it is my duty to have sex with one of his relatives, and so raise up a child in my dead husband’s name. Should I do this?

 

No. Like many human customs this is wicked. If you follow this custom you will be committing fornication and sinning against God. If your late husband’s relatives press you to follow this custom you should seek the help of the elders of your ecclesia.

 

Although this custom sounds similar to the Old Testament commandment under the Law of Moses, for a married man who died childless, the difference was that his brother (or nearest kinsman) would marry the dead man’s wife to raise up children to carry on the dead man’s name. However, it was a commandment under the Old Covenant, and so is not necessary to be kept by those who are in Christ.

 

6. My husband is working away from home. I have become pregnant by another man. My friend has offered to give me an abortion. Should I accept this?

 

No. You have already committed the sin of adultery. If you try to hide your sin by having an abortion you will not deceive God. You would only be sinning a second time. Also you would be risking your health. Many women are made ill through having abortions, and some die.

 

Instead, you should confess your sin to your husband. Tell him that you are ashamed, that you repent, and promise never to commit adultery again. Then ask him to forgive you.

 

You should also confess to the elders of your ecclesia, and ask (hem to pray for you. They may perhaps suspend you from membership for a time, until they are sure that your repentance is sincere.

 

Also, you should confess to God, and ask Him to forgive you. Remember that no sin is too bad to be forgiven, provided that we are truly repentant. God will help you to repent and to be a good wife in future, if you are truly sorry and if you pray for His help (see also “Abortion” on page 21 and “AIDS” on page 30).

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Appendix 3 - Some Parents’ Problems

 

1. Should I circumcise my sons?

 

In the sight of God it does not matter whether you do or not. There is no harm in it, but there is no good in it either (except on rare occasions when a doctor advises it for medical reasons). The children of Israel were commanded to circumcise their sons (see Leviticus 12:1-3), but the-New Testament says plainly that Christians need not do this (see Acts 15:1-20; 1 Corinthians 7:18, 19).

 

In some countries, such as Kenya, it is the custom for all boys to be circumcised at birth, and it is illegal to forbid this. In such countries Christadelphians may circumcise their baby boys. As a practical guide, all such circumcisions should be carried out by a medical specialist, ideally in a hospital.

 

In other countries, such as Malawi, boys are often circumcised when they approach the age of puberty, and circumcision is then accompanied by evil pagan ceremonies. Christadelphians should not take part in these wicked practices.

 

2. Should I circumcise my daughters?

 

No. This is a cruel and wicked custom that is practised in many parts of Africa and elsewhere. But it was unknown to the children of Israel, and therefore it is a mistake to apply the Bible name circumcision to it.

 

The proper name of this operation is clitorectomy. It consists of cutting away that part of a woman’s sexual organs from which she derives most pleasure.

 

You will see why this is wrong if you read the answer to Question 1 in Appendix 2. God intended women to have pleasure from sex, just as much as men. By performing this operation on girls you rob them of a precious gift that God has given them.

 

3. The custom in my tribe is for parents to arrange marriages for their children while they are still very young. Should I follow this custom?

 

No. It is the duty of parents to help their children find suitable wives and husbands. You cannot hope to do this unless you wait until the children are grown up. Then, if your children accept the Truth, you will want to find marriage partners in the Truth for them.

 

4. I am the head of an important family, and I want my children to marry people in my own class, but all the other young Christadelphians in this district are from poor families. What should I do?

 

Read James 2:1-9. This says it is wrong for a Christian to be concerned about the social standing of another Christian whether he is rich or poor. Among unbelievers it is natural for a rich man to despise the poor, but it should not be like that in Christ. A Christian is commanded to love all his brothers, whether they are rich or poor (see form 15-12).

 

The Gospel is worth more than all the money in the world. Therefore it is better for your son or daughter to marry a poor Christadelphian than a rich unbeliever.

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5. In my village when children reach marriageable age the local people arrange ceremonies of celebration. Should I let my children take part in these ceremonies?

 

No. These ceremonies all have a pagan origin. A Christian should have nothing to do with them.

 

6. My son (who is a Christadelphian) is about to be married (to a Christadelphian girl). I live in isolation so I cannot arrange for him to have a wedding ceremony in a Christadelphian ecclesial hall. Should I arrange for a wedding in accordance with traditional native custom? Or should he get married in the local Methodist church?

 

No. You should not do either of these things. A wedding according to native custom would be wrong, because it is based on pagan superstition. So would a wedding in an ordinary church, because that would be accepting false doctrine. Some think that a marriage is not pleasing to God unless it takes place in a church building. This is quite wrong.

 

Help your son to understand that a formal wedding ceremony is not essential All that is needed is for the bride and bridegroom to declare before witnesses that they are becoming man and wife. Also, if the laws of your country provide for it, you should register the marriage at the government office.

 

Later on, perhaps your son and his wife will visit a town where there is a Christadelphian ecclesia. Then he can ask the elders of that ecclesia to hold a simple service, where the brothers and sisters can pray for God’s blessing on his marriage. If this is not possible, you could offer such prayers yourself. Or you could wait until a Christadelphian elder comes to your town on a visit, and then ask him to pray for your son and his wife.

 

7. I have a daughter of marriageable age, but no sons and my wife is past childbearing. According to local custom I should keep my daughter at home, allow her to have sex with some man until she becomes pregnant, and so let her raise a son in my name. Is this right?

 

No. This is another wicked custom of pagan origin. If you follow this custom you will make your daughter a fornicator, and thus you will sin grievously against God and against your daughter.

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Appendix 4 – Some Problems arising from Bride Price

 

1. In my country bride price is so high that a young man cannot afford to marry until he is about 30 years old. That is why nearly all the young men my age are fornicators. How can I go without sex until I am 30?

 

By prayer and help from God. If you can take your problem to the Lord in prayer, He will give you extra strength. With God’s help you will be surprised how strong you can become. You should also throw yourself wholeheartedly into the work of the Lord Jesus Christ, as in this work you are much more likely to find a Christadelphian girl who is right for you, and whose parents will not exact an unaffordable bride price.

 

2. Since I gave up fornication I have sometimes given myself relief from sexual tension by handling my own sex organ. My friend says that this is as bad as fornication and I may as well go back to casual sex. Is this true?

 

No, it is not true. You would do well to avoid this habit (which is called masturbation) if you can, but it is not a terrible sin like fornication, and it is not directly condemned anywhere in the Bible. At all costs a Christian must avoid fornication and adultery, because no immoral person (i.e. one who commits fornication or adultery) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God (Ephesians 5:5). Do not let any friend tempt you back into fornication, for in that way lies eternal death.

 

3. My wife has gone with another man and he has offered to repay me her bride price. Should I accept it?

 

No. Your duty is to try and win back your wife, and if she repents, to forgive her and receive her again as your wife. You must not just cast her off and accept the return of her bride price. Your situation is a difficult and unhappy one. You would be wise to seek the advice of the elders of your ecclesia. They may be able to help reconcile your wife to you. However, she may have become infected with AIDS (see page 30 regarding AIDS).

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Appendix 5 - Rules for the Sexual Behaviour of Christadelphians

 

  1. Christadelphians do not have sex unless and until they are married, and those who want to become Christadelphians do not do so either. Sex is a blessing within marriage.
     
  2. Christadelphians who are married should love their wife or husband and have sex only with their own wife or husband, showing consideration for one another in this, as in all matters.
     
  3. Christadelphians do not live with someone to whom they are not married. Those who have been living with a woman or man without being married must put the matter right as soon as they learn the Truth. They either stop their old way of life completely, or else get properly married and then remain faithful to their lawful wife or husband.
     
  4. Christadelphians do not commit acts of homosexuality. Our men and boys do not have sex with other men or boys, and our women and girls do not have sex with other women or girls.
     
  5. Christadelphian parents do not have sex with their children, and Christadelphian young people do not allow their parents or other relations to have sex with them.

These are rules, and we do not have the right to break them and still expect to live in fellowship with other Christadelphians. If a member has broken these rules, he or she must not wait to be found out, but must put the matter right immediately. It is best, too, to confess to the sin before an elder of his or her Christadelphian meeting.

 

If a member is committing any of these sins and does not intend to give them up, the right course is to stop calling himself or herself a Christadelphian, and to leave the community. Once again, the wrongdoer should not wait to be found out.

 

If it seems that any of our members are living in this way, it is the duty of the elders of their ecclesia to make sure of the facts as kindly as possible, going straight to those concerned and not listening to, or encouraging gossip.

 

If as a result of this firm but gentle discussion, confession is made, and a promise to stop this way of life immediately is given, then the repentance should be accepted unless there is clear evidence that the promise is not being kept.

 

But if there is no repentance, or no promise of reform, or the promise is broken, there is no doubt what must be done. The offenders should, be withdrawn from by their ecclesia, and not allowed to return until it is clear that they have repented and reformed their behaviour.

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The Lesson is for us all

 

What you have just read does not mean that bad sex is the only sin, or even necessarily the worst sin, that people can commit. We should all consider our own lives and think about the sins that God knows about, even though our brothers and sisters do not.

 

None of us should think he or she is better than those who commit the sins of bad sex: God alone can judge such matters. But, all the same, we have a duty to maintain right standards, and the things written here must be taken seriously.

 

They should be part of the rule of life for Christadelphian ecclesias everywhere.

 

We must also remember that we have a duty to set a good example to our families, and to our non-Christadelphian friends and neighbours, so that the work of the ecclesia will uphold the standards of the Bible (2 Corinthians 6:3).

 

Finally, sympathy, understanding, and help must be readily offered to our brothers, sisters, and young people, when we know that they are tempted to commit sins of this, or any other kind. Those who are or have been guilty should not be afraid to confess, and those who get to know about their sins should show compassion, and the kind of forgiveness that they themselves hope to receive from God.

 

Everything possible must be done in love to help to get the sinners on the right road again. But no one should think that the sins would be tolerated in a Christadelphian community. If this awakens anyone to the knowledge that things have been allowed which are contrary to the Gospel of the Lord, there is no time to be lost.

 

The Door of Hope

 

Perhaps we should remember that when Paul required the Corinthians to withdraw fellowship from the sinful man in their midst, he described it as handing this man over to Satan; that is, to put him out of the ecclesia to show that his sinful behaviour must stop, in the hope that his spirit might be saved in the day of the Lord - at the Judgement to come (1 Corinthians 5:5). They were to cut him off until he repented.

 

But when he really did repent, they were to receive him back with gladness:

 

“The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him, Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” (2 Corinthians 2:6-8)

 

That is what we have to strive for: faithfulness in condemning the sin, indeed, but glad restoration and forgiveness when repentance follows. And may the Lord look on all of us with just such mercy when he comes, that our spirit, too, may be saved in the day of the Lord.

 

PAUL AND ELISABETH GENDERS

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Index

 

Abortion

Abraham

Adam

Adultery

AIDS

AIDS test

 

Baptism

Barrenness

Bible reading

Birth control

Bride price

 

Children - bringing up - HIV positive - in broken families

Christ - head of church; head of the house

Circumcision

Clitorectomy

Communication

 

Daughters of men

David

Discipline

Divorce - for barrenness; hated by God

 

Eli

Eunuch

Eve

 

Family - providing for; time with God

Family pressure

Fathers - duties of

Fornication

 

Godly children

Grandparents

 

Head-covering

Helper

helping with Ministry

Husband - duties of; faithful; head of wife; the bad; the good

 

Immorality – beauty

Isaac - joint Heirs of Eternal Life

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Loyalty to God

 

Marriage -

arranged;

Christ and the Church;

communication in; for life;

ordained by God;

preparing for;

the meaning of Mothers,

duties of

One flesh

 

Pagan superstition

Pharisees

Polygamy – conversion

Prayer

Putting away

 

Rebekah

 

Self-controlled

Sex - before marriage; casual; like a fire

Single

Sons of God

 

Teenagers

Two become One

 

Unbelievers

Unmarried

 

Washing feet

Widowhood

Widows

Wife - choosing a; duties of; gift from God; the bad; the good

Wives duties of

 

CBM 2003

 

ThePrinciplesChristianMarriage.pdf

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